Wednesday, December 10, 2008


Well, is back up and running and so is the blog. I'm not sure what I'm doing with this blog; might keep it for a while and just post to both or eventually switch to the Wordpress one. I'm tired.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

TMS will be DOWN over the weekend

The Misanthropic Shiba will be up and down over the weekend as I transfer it to a new server and start playing with Wordpress. We will be back up and running on Monday!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Water, water everywhere...

Tierce: Out?

Me: Mmmf.

Tierce: I wanna go out.

Me: MMrrrf.




Me: MRRNNNGGHstupidfuckingdog,hateyou,stupid,owmytoe,yesi'mtakingyou


Me: Shut UP! I'm taking you out!

Tierce: *leap*

Door: *BANG!*


Tierce: Ooowwwuuut. *thump, thump, thumpthumpthump* Hi!

Me: Go away; I'm just finding my boots.

Tierce: Yay! Thumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthud

Door: *BANG!*

Mischa: Gnnnrrrrrnnnngh.

Me: Yeah, yeah yeah.

Tierce: Are you coming down so we can go awwaaahhoooooouuuuttttt?

Me: Ew, it's raining outside. And cold.

Tierce: It's OUTSIDE!

Me: Come here so I can put the leash on.

Tierce: Aww.

Me: Tierce...

Tierce: Okay, okay, okay.

Me: Okay, let's go. Ugh, it's pouring!

Tierce: Hey, I haven't sniffed that bush in, like, forever!

Me: This Flexi only goes out to 20 fee-

Tierce: Grrk!

Me: Control yourself.

Tierce: Whatever *pee*

Me: Okay, let's trudge to the park.

Tierce: Yay! Oh, that poodle from down the street was here earlier! And those little mop dogs from across the way! *pee*

Me: Yeah, yeah. Hurry up. I want you to do all your business so that we don't have to go out again for a long, long, LONG time.

Tierce: Ooo! Someone left a pizza crust in the storm drain!

Me: It probably came in with the flood that is now threatening to overflow my boots. Leave it alone.

Tierce: But, it has cheese-

Me: Leave. It. Alone.

Tierce: All you give me is that crappy allergy food. *pee*

Me: You like that crappy allergy food.

Tierce: Yeah and you eat the same thing for every meal. Oh, wait, no. *pee*

Me: Your life is a tale of woe. Now go take a crap.

Tierce: ...I don't want to go here.

Me: Find a place. How about here? You like unmowed grass.

Tierce: It's not the right place.

Me: Well, here's a nice place.

Tierce: It's too wet.

Me: Here?

Tierce: It's too familiar.

Me: You like open grass, don't you?

Tierce: No, but there's something yummy smelling around here...

Me: FORGET it! Attend to your BUSINESS. And by business, I mean TAKE A SHIT. NOW!

Tierce: I don't feel like it.

Me: You little-

Tierce: Hey, the more you stress me out, the less likely it is that I'll perform.

Me: -sweet, wonderful dog who I am going to strangle if you'll only come over here, my love.

Tierce: Hey, I want to go over here!

Me: Sure, do you think you're going to go?

Tierce: I think so, I think I feel something-

Me: Well?

Tierce: Nothing. It wasn't the right time.

Me: Would a massage help? I've got a couple of boots on that I'll gladly plant in that region should you need help moving things along.

Tierce: That won't be necessary. Let's try over here.

Me: We've been out here for the last twenty minutes. My jacket is almost soaked through and you're looking like the little rat that you are. What the hell are you trying to accomplish?

Tierce: Hey, you're the one dragging me hither and yon. If you let me off, I could be done this in thirty seconds. I just have to find the right spot.

Me: You can find the right spot with the leash on.

Tierce: Your call. Hey, lookitthatbirdoooiwannachasethatbirdoit'sflyingaway...

Me: No! Let's go over here.

Tierce: Meh. That spot has been so *done*.

Me: *Please* take a goddamned crap, Tierce, so I can go back inside and go back to bed. Please. I'm begging you.

Tierce: There is a time for all things under Heaven...

Me: I hate you. I'm wet and I'm cold and I'm standing here in a perfectly good vacant lot because you won't take a crap and I hate you.

Tierce: It sucks, doesn't it. My life has so few pleasures and this is one I'm loathe to part with.

Me: I'm going to have you neutered.

Tierce: So what? You were going to have it done anyway.

Me: Just GO.

Tierce: Yeah, at some point. I'm still finding out who was here last Saturday afternoon.

Me: FINE. I have HAD it. We're going home! Let's GO.

Tierce: Wait! I haven't figured out if this dog lives around here or no-


Tierce: Well, fine. You don't have to be so BRUTAL about it.

Me: Cry me a fucking river of diarrhea.

Tierce: Speaking of that...

Me: What?

Tierce: Hold on a minute.

Me: We're halfway home! I'm not stoppin- oh.

Tierce: Well, that was a relief.

Me: You couldn't have done this back at the lot? Where there was a garbage can right there?

Tierce: I always wondered why you want to bag and save that stuff, considering the fuss you made when I pooped in the house that one time.

Me: I don't want to save it, I want to throw it away! Which is why I like to have a garbage can close at hand!

Tierce: You humans are weird. You go off your rocker if I pee in the house, but you collect feces in bins instead of leaving them out to announce our territory and just disintegrate in the rain. On that note, you hate the rain and don't like getting up early in the morning, but you would rather drag me around for half an hour than let me run around free outside to do my business. You're nuts.

Me: What makes me nuts is my deliberate acquisition of YOU. You're living proof that there's a God and there's some sins I haven't atoned for yet.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Call for Help from the Shibasphere

I got this email a few days ago and, while you'll see my deathless wisdom *pause for laughter* below, I'm thinking that the people who read this blog might have some good advice to offer Jessica:

I hope you don't mind if I ask your advice/opinion on my Shiba....

I adopted him from a dog rescue in June. The vet estimates that he is around 5 years old. Some problems have surfaced since he came to live with us. First, he is the only dog I have ever met that has absolutely no problem sleeping in a pool of his own piss in his crate. He doesn't mind going in at all. I shut the door. He looks up at me with an expressionless face, squats, and pees the most ridiculous river of urine imaginable, not once breaking eye contact with me. At first I thought "Hmn, maybe he's doing this because he knows I am going to let him out so i can clean it up" and that this was just a plea for attention.... But lo and behold, whether I clean it or let him stew in it, he never fails to leave a pee puddle in his kennel. His crate is the perfect size for him- just enough room to lay, turn, stand, etc. I've tried plastic crates and I've tried wire crates... I've tried lots of bedding and no bedding at all. He goes outside before and after crating (where he finds a spot to lay down like a goat and stare at me blankly). So he gets ample opportunity to pee outside.... He's been crated in my bedroom where he can see me, and he's been crated in the dog room, where the other dogs are crated. Location seems to make no difference. In fact, NOTHING seems to make a difference. I really feel like he holds it all day long, just waiting to piss in the crate.

So aside from the peeing, he constantly C-O-N-S-T-A-N-T-L-Y is pacing. Circles, circles, circles, allllllll day long. Will not sit still. Not even a little bit. My vet seems to think he has an anxiety problem. She's prescribed doggy-prozac for him. I'm still not sure how I feel about this. I thought the peeing and the pacing could maybe be a side effect of some kind of health problem but two vets later and full blood panels, he is in perfect health. There's nothing medically wrong with him that could be causing the urination in the crate.

He seems fearful of the most ridiculous things.... Little noises, movement, someone walking by him.... He's ran headfirst into walls trying to get out of the way of someone walking by him. He scrambles away like his tail is on fire if anything rubs him the wrong way.

And the strangest thing ever? I can take him to dog shows, pet conventions, noisy pet stores, and he LOVES IT. No anxiety. No pacing. Relaxed. Mellow. WTF??! Like a perfect angel. And everyone comments on how well-behaved and precious and stately he looks. And he just sits there with his little Shiba-smirk while they go on and on about how good a dog he is..... And then the minute we get home its RUN FOR YOUR LIFE -- SOMEONE'S GONNA EAT ME!!!!

I love this dog. He's hilarious, sweet, and endearing... But really... I do NOT understand where he comes up with this stuff... I've been a dog lover all my life... I've had jack russels, shih tzus, american bulldogs, springer spaniels, and I breed Miniature Pinschers (which up until now I thought were the most hard-to-decode dogs there were). This Shiba is the most quirky creature I've ever encountered. How much of this is normal?? Its really the peeing in the crate thing that baffles me more than anything.

So.. I hope you don't mind... But.... help?

And here's my reply:

"Wow... that's so unusual - normally a Shiba is fanatically clean! I've heard that some pet store pups have a similar problem, being literally forced to live in their waste. Puppymill dogs are also notoriously inbred/insane and you might be dealing with one. Your next step might best be to contact an animal behaviourist.

Do you mind if I post this on my Shibalog? Maybe some of the people who read it will have more insight into this."

Jessica's response was, obviously, yes, so here we are. Any thoughts?